Sometimes that darkness swallows you whole. Sometimes your light goes out when the obstacles become so overwhelming and just too tired of fighting. That dark abyss ties you to that low point in life and the exhaustion of life makes your eyes too heavy.
You're so tired, but the sleep doesn't come. The slumber that your body craves and needs doesn't come and you're consumed by the darkness and all the fears and insecurities lurk in the shadows, waiting for you to just stop searching for light.
Your body is tired, you either start eating for comfort or the thought of food makes you sick. Little by little, you give up the things that brought you joy, because you're just so damn tired.
It's messy houses, immaculately clean houses, it's not going out, or constantly needing to be around people. It's crying so much your eyes burn, or laughing so hard that it consumes you. It's all of these and none of these at the same time.
Lately, I've been drowning. I've told myself so many excuses that even I don't believe it. I've been stuck in my head and allowed the darkness to take over. I've allowed myself to think that no one will understand.
I'm a mess.
I'm a failure.
There is still so much stigma and stereotypes surrounding mental health, even though everyone faces it in some degree and in different moments of life. It's hard to believe we live in a world with people who think its something made up for the weak or those who can't hack life. It's made up for people who just want to be the center of attention.
I can FEEL the judgment from the critics and the skeptics. I can practically here the voices saying that I am too sensitive, too emotional and that this is all for attention and sympathy.
I am not alone, because unfortunately, this world is filled with people suffering from depression and anxiety.
I am not a mess, I've just lost sight of my goals and dreams. I've experienced some obstacles lately that don't define me.
I am important- because 2 tiny humans have unconditional love for me and depend on me.
I am worthy, because I am a person. The state I am in today doesn't make me less than others.
I am not a failure, because I am here. I've been here before and I can get out of this again.
I am not weak. I'm actually stronger than the skeptics and critics. I can admit my flaws and weaknesses. They feed off others insecurities and fears so that they feel better about themselves. I know my fears and can work on them.
Guess what? I want this to be emotional and sensitive. I want this to gain attention. Because someone, somewhere is hurting like I am. Someone is out there in desperate need of feeling understood. Mental health isn't for the weak and it isn't for everyone.
If you are needing help, seek it. There's nothing weak about needing help, it makes you strong.